Lucky, this point in time and space

So I was perusing wedding blogs, as I am wont to do lately, and I stumbled across one that described a three-day "wedding weekend." Including a "bride's family vs. groom's family softball game."

I tried to picture this translated to my family vs. Greg's family, and I had to laugh, the kind of laugh where you sort of want to take a shot of some vodka afterwards. Here's what my family softball team would look like:

1) Me. The last time I did anything remotely athletic was sometime in 2008, I think.
2) My mother, the heart patient, who is clinically depressed and cries whenever she sees my father.
3) My father, whom everybody on my mom's side of the family hates now. Totes awkward.
4) My aunt D, who would be pretty good at the softball stuff and the competitive stuff but somewhat hampered by the fact that she'd probably throw the balls at my dad's head every chance she got, and maybe the bat, too.
5) My congenial uncle A, who would probably only consent to play the game if he had a Scotch in one hand while doing so. Actually, make that my entire family. We'd all need to drink for this.
6) My 85 year old grandfather whose knees last worked correctly sometime when Reagan was president.
7) My dad's brothers and their wives, all well into their 70s, who also need a drink or two to loosen up before doing anything as active as going out to dinner. 
8) My 43 year old cousin with Down's Syndrome. He'd probably have fun at the game but wouldn't understand why my Aunt D kept trying to throw the softballs at my dad.
9) My other cousin who got out of prison not too long ago for GTA and has a couple of kids by a couple of different women.

Ladies and gentleman, the Family of the Bride!*

Meanwhile, Greg's family is the most wholesome, midwestern, family-togetherness kind of family you can imagine. Every time he calls home they both pick up the phone and talk to him together. They got excited when they came to visit us and saw corn way up in north Michigan. They sent me a birthday card that said "Welcome to the Family!" His mom consults me on his Christmas and birthday gifts. His youngest brother calls home every day. His parents still send Greg care packages with cookies and granola bars and handwritten letters about family news and reminding him to wear a coat. Greg got a letter from his grandfather last month, and the bulk of it consisted of information about farming weather and tales of how he sweetly visits his Alzheimer's-afflicted wife every single day. Needless to say, no one in his family drinks.

Just try. Just try to picture a softball game.

***Disclaimer: I LOVE MY FAMILY and would not trade them for the world, they are wonderful and they support me and make my life great - but we are definitely not the most normal group of people. I have already shared this scenario with them and we laughed our asses off. So I feel okay about sharing it with the internet.